Dreamed During the Night, May 19, 2011:
I was waiting for the bus with my friends in what appeared to be a school yard, except that everyone was wearing prison uniforms. I might have been a young teenager. I told my friends that I had seen an ad that Baskin-Robbins was having a sale in which dishes of ice cream were two for $0.50. This was some kind of special ice cream that was better than just the average stuff that they serve daily. I desperately wanted that ice cream because I felt that the ice cream would make me happy and make me forget about my horrible surroundings in the prison-like school. I was also feeling very poor and felt that the ice cream was such a good deal that I deserved to have that small pleasure. My friends simply made fun of me for being cheap and refused to go to the ice cream store with me. I eventually went home, although the bus never came, so I walked out through the wrought iron gates and walked home. My friends stayed waiting for the bus, but I didn't have any faith that it would come at a reasonable hour. When I got home, I asked my father to take me to get ice cream, but he told me he couldn't because he was going out with my brother to do "guy stuff". My brother smiled as my father told me I wasn't invited because I was a girl. I felt so lonely because my mother never did "girl stuff" with me, and my father didn't seem interested in the things that I liked. I actually felt despondent over not being able to get that ice cream and helpless because I wasn't old enough to drive and didn't feel comfortable walking to the store alone.
During my adult life, I've frequently felt imprisoned by poverty. I worked for the government for a while, and although it as a great job, I was always poor. During that time, I was also accused of being cheap, but I feel that you have to live within your means. The feelings I had about my parents mirror the feelings I've often had about them in waking life.
The weird thing is that in waking life I'm lactose intolerant and almost never eat ice cream. Occasionally I'll sneak some, but my stomach usually ends up paying later. I don't have much of a desire for dairy ice cream because of its side effects. I like soy ice cream just fine, but ice cream usually isn't my snack of choice.
I frequently see patterns of unreliability or helplessness in my dreams. I think I'm a pessimist. When the bus didn't come, it was what I expected, and then my outlook was even more pessimistic than that of my friends. I felt helpless to get the ice cream without the support of my friends and even more unloved and helpless when my parents wouldn't help me.