After reading The Committee of Sleep by Deirdre Barrett, I'm awake in the early morning hours and thinking about trying to use the book's suggestions to learn something.
I'm very interested in learning about my relationship with my boyfriend Ricky. A lot of people have been asking me where the relationship is headed, but I don't really have the answer. I love him and think he's absolutely great, but we've been dating three years, and I don't know if the relationship will ever be more serious. Both of us have experienced major changes in our lives over the past few years, which is why I always used to justify the way our relationship is. I'm happy with the way things are, but I wonder if I could be happier either if our relationship were more serious, such as if we got married or lived together, or would I be happier single or dating someone else? I have daydreams about having a more serious relationship with him, and I do believe that over the past six months or so our relationship has become much more romantic and filled with more trust.
Prior to the last six months, we had a very serious conversation about his idea that I'm not open. He says that I don't display my true feelings and that it has taken him longer to get to know me than with other girlfriends he's had. I have made an effort to be more open, which I think has led to the increased trust and romance, but I'm still not as open as I'd like to be. Am I not open because I'm afraid of getting hurt? Why? Are the barriers between us just too great to bridge? Am I over analyzing this in my head? What if the answers to all of the above questions are "yes"?
I'm going to ruminate on these topics before bed and see if anything shows up in my dreams. I'll blog the results, if any. I'm also going to put some reminders about this topic on my bedside table. Hopefully something will develop.