Dreamed During the Night, June 18, 2011:
I was sitting in my living room with my cell phone when I decided to call my ex-boyfriend Ricky. I missed him and was feeling sad, so I just thought I'd call him and see how he was. I still had him on speed dial #2, so it was easy to call him, and I was sure that I was calling the right number. A woman answered the phone. I asked if I could speak to Ricky, but then she demanded to know who was calling. I realized that it was his ex-girlfriend Belkys that had answered the phone. I was confused as to why she was answering his cell phone, but I imagined that since our breakup they must have moved back in together.
I viewed this as cheating, which was strange because we broke up. Instead of being angry that he was cheating, I was embarrassed that I was the other woman. I didn't know what to do, so I hung up the phone without saying anything. Right after that my phone rang again. It was Belkys calling me back. I was too embarrassed and afraid to answer the phone because I didn't want to have a confrontation in real life.
Several years ago, I met Belkys in waking life, before she and Ricky broke up. Then she and Ricky broke up and my boyfriend Keith and I broke up, and then Ricky and I started dating. Belkys didn't handle it well, sending me nasty Myspace messages about what a slut I am. I didn't feel bad about dating him after her because she and I were not friends, and they broke up of their own accord before Ricky and I started dating. In the dream, I should have told her off when she called back, but I did nothing. This is exactly what happened in waking life when she sent me the Myspace messages. I should have called or her or responded, but instead, I just deleted my account.
Just before our breakup, Ricky said that a lot of what I do in life is based on fear, and he said that I'm a coward. He wasn't saying this to be insulting. I could tell by his tone and expression that he was genuinely trying to help me overcome my fears. During our talk, I realized that Ricky is completely right. Since then, I've been trying to work on being less afraid, although it's a really tough battle.