Sometimes life really has a way of kicking you when you're down. I shouldn't even say that because if you subscribe to Buddhist beliefs, like they do at my dream school, where I'd love to study creative writing and Buddhism, then you know that the problem really isn't life. The real problem is the way we think about life. Even in these dark hours, I know that my problems are the products of my delusional mind.
Between just before Christmas and just after Valentines Day, we had three deaths in my family. I suffered tremendously because of my attachment to these people. They all died unexpectedly, which is harder for those who keep on living because we like to delude ourselves that this life is permanent or unchanging. Untimely deaths snap us back to the truth, which is that death is a normal part of life that we must accept, whether we think that particular deaths happened at the right times or not.
During that same time, what I thought was the flu turned out to be pneumonia. The mind and the body suffer greatly with pneumonia. It seemed as if I was more delusional than normal during the pneumonia. Thankfully I am feeling back to almost normal now. Unfortunately, I'm behind on a lot of things, and I'm working on catching up soon. Please don't think I've abandoned you. Times have been really tough, but I can see the beacon of hope in the distance
In happier news, I got married. You might have noticed my name change. Getting married was a symbolic rebirth for me because it is a new start in something I've never experienced in this lifetime. In Buddhism, there is an analogy of a tree used to describe reincarnation. When a leaf falls off a tree, eventually a new leaf replaces the first. The new leaf has the essence that all of the leaves of that tree, but that leaf is in fact a different leaf. I think whenever we have life-changing experiences, we change a little, hopefully for the better. I was sad that my loved ones who had died could not be with us to share this beautiful occasion, but it was a beautiful wedding, and I just know that I am going to love being married. I leave on my honeymoon this morning.
When I come back I plan to publish my novel, which I am putting the finishing touches on now. I am tired of being poor and tired of suffering and I just hope to give my mother a better life. Writing a novel may not be the way to do it, but I have to do something to move forward. In the time since I've taken my little Internet break you all have been so supportive, and I just want to thank you for the love that all of you have given me. It has been the only thing that has kept me going. See you in two weeks.
Posted as part of Much Love Monday.